


with a team like this

by Prim_the_Amazing



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Missing Scene, Post-Canon, this was a very good miniarc and im in love with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 01:20:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12900912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prim_the_Amazing/pseuds/Prim_the_Amazing
Summary: So, they go to the White House.





	with a team like this

So, they go to the White House.

“This is stupid,” Nadiya says as they park the skimmer right by the front doors, having zoomed straight past the gate and the shouting guards there. “We’re going to get shot.”

“I am too grand and amazing to let trifling little mortal bullets stop me!” Kardala booms with perfect idiotic confidence.

“Really?” she asks curiously. “You’re going to have to let me conduct some tests eventually, so we can figure out your boundaries and limits.”

“My power is _limitless--”_

“Hey, uh, Kardala can you please carry Martine and King…”

“Dick,” Nadiya helpfully supplies, which coincidentally gives her the fun opportunity to call Remy a dick to his face.

“King Dick, right. I’d help, but I think Nadiya and I should concentrate on helping support Mary.”

“I’ve always wanted to be inside the White House,” said woman says dazedly.

“That’s nice.” Remy smiles at her as he loops an arm underneath hers and around her back.

“To see the den of lies and sin for myself in person…”

“Uh, okay.” The smile freezes, and Nadiya’s reluctantly looping her own arm around Mary because it probably will be for the best to keep everyone together for now. In case they need to violently resist arrest or something. Hey, she’s keeping her options open, is all.

“I will of course benevolently help carry the fake king and his evil consort to your corrupt leader,” Kardala says, carelessly tossing the two terribly wounded people over her shoulders like sacks of potatoes. Nadiya isn’t going to bother mustering the little concern she has for the likes of Richard Poor and Martine, but Remy winces along with the thumps. “I myself have no leader for I am a god.”

“Man, this would’ve been way more satisfying and cool to do during the last administration,” Remy admits as they all exit the skimmer to the sight of shouting men in suits pointing guns at them.

Kardala and Nadiya give them twin condescending looks, although Kardala’s is far more amused than Nadiya’s impatient one.

“Uh, hey, let’s cool off here, maybe!” Remy tries, tensing up. It occurs to Nadiya that despite the fact that he’s fought off religiously themed robots earlier today, that this might possibly be pretty frightening for him considering that he’s a black man. Nadiya feels her frown intensifying without her sayso.

“Kardala, can you nonlethally thunderbolt them all at once?” she asks, her voice lowered enough that the guards won’t be able to hear her over their own furious shouting. All of their faces are so red by now. Her impatience with them ten folds.

“An excellent suggestion, demon!” Kardala exclaims delightedly.

“Nadiya! Kardala!” Remy says, sounding like a horrified mother.

“I’m not going to waste my time on grunts, Remy. We have a cheat code, might as well use it.”

And then Kardala calls down lightning from the clear blue heavens to strike them all down, twitching and dropping their guns, and the argument is moot.

They enter the White House, Nadiya not bothering to avoid stepping on any unconscious guards. Hey, they’ll live, and they should’ve known not to get in her way besides.

“Well, this is going well so far,” Remy says sarcastically as Mary starts to almost drunkenly giggle.

It seems that most of the guards had swarmed to the entrance and that everyone else was very confused and startled, because they don’t encounter much else resistance on their way to the Oval Office.

To start off, Kardala decides to make her entrance by kicking the door in while shouting something about beholding her glory.

“Hey, uh, we’ve got some criminals for you!” Remy desperately tries to pull the meeting back on track. “You might have seen them on TV? Trying to turn USA into a monocracy?”

“They tried to turn off my TV,” the President says.

 _“Not_ the point,” Nadiya says, already incredibly annoyed.

“And they interrupted my show!”

“I was right, this is stupid,” she says. “Just dump Martine and her boytoy on the floor and lets leave, I don’t want any medals from this idiot.”

“Okay, fair,” Remy concedes.

Kardala dumps the criminals onto the floor, and it is such a goddamned relief to have to stop thinking about those power hungry morons, never to return again. Yep, they were going nowhere but a secure prison cell that would somehow defend against laser vision. Hmm, Nadiya might have to send the government an email about that. Later.

“Have you considered peacefully resigning and giving your position to me, a literal god who is much, much wiser than you?”

“A dead rat would be wiser than this man, let’s _go.”_

* * *

So, they go to a Jamba Juice.

“I feel like we should be getting Mary medical attention instead?” Remy says uncertainly. Mary coughs up a little blood on his shoulder and he grimaces and visibly forces himself not to move away.

“The Jamba Juice is on the way to the hospital,” Nadiya, who is very thirsty and has been craving a smoothie for some hours now, says.

“Do you think we’re going to get in, uh, trouble for electrocuting a bunch of White House guards? One Strawberry Surf Rider, please.”

“We basically saved America, so I feel like that should cancel it out. One chili mango smoothie, please.”

“If you’re on the lam, I know a great place to hide out,” Mary wheezes. She’s looking pretty bad off. Eh, it’s fine, it can wait until they’ve all gotten some smoothies. Or at least until Nadiya’s gotten _her_ smoothie.

“Don’t say creepy abandoned evangelical amusement park,” Remy says.

“... Well then I don’t know a great place to hide out. Can I have an Aloha Pineapple smoothie?”

“And I would like an ambrosia of the gods!” Kardala says.

“She’d like to try a Banana Berry smoothie,” Nadiya says, and then shoves the entirety of Mary’s weight onto Remy. He squawks, but he doesn’t get to complain because she’s paying for everyone, Mary’s getting blood all over her nice white lab coat, and he’s got super punching so that probably means some sort of enhanced strength? Unless it’s all based on kinetic energy instead maybe? Oh god, she’s going to have to do some experiments on her team _stat,_ this is driving her crazy.

“If we do for some reason have to go on the lam,” she says as she pays the very nervous and confused looking Jamba Juice employee.

“Like for example if we’ve got a crazy narcissist whose house we broke into and then insulted for five minutes before leaving him to deal with some new bloodstains on his rug, a couple of injured egomaniacs who probably both have super powers, and about two dozen unconscious guards in charge of our country?”

“For example, and don’t interrupt me,” she takes a long sip of her smoothie. Oh, that’s good. “If we do have to go on the lam, I do have some secret labs that are, uh, off the grid, so to speak.”

 _“Why?”_ Remy asks.

“This actually tastes pretty close to ambrosia!” Kardala says, enthusiastically slurping down her own smoothie.

“How about you mind your own business, Remy.”

“Help me drink?” Mary asks.

“Right, right,” he says, turning his focus back on doting on Mary. “And now we’re _definitely_ going to the hospital, and we’re not pissing anyone off this time!”

Nadiya can’t help a snort at that. “Oh yeah, _that_ sounds likely.”

Remy groans and Kardala laughs, Mary absorbed in drinking her smoothie. Nadiya knows that with these chucklefucks joined at her hip (yeah, superpowers are super fucking cool and she’s never going to give them up) she’s going to keep getting in trouble no matter what, and she doesn’t care enough about other people’s opinion of her to especially mind. After all, with a brain like her’s, and with a team like this? Nothing can stop her.


End file.
